its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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