I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
BRING THE BAGELS
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize