we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
It's blow job season.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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