What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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