your thong is hanging out like whoa
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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