Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Randomize
