Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
