I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Randomize
