break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize