She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
