so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
