You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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