I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
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