I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
