dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize