No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
