I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
