He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
