I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
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