So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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