yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
