I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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