I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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