My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize