He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
ok first of all what the fuck
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