I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
