Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
