Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
