So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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