we have pet lesbian snakes
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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