I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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