Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize