the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
You have to summon your inner elephant
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
