took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
