I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
