But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
