at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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