she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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