You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
