I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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