Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
