I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
