then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I'm determined to sit on that face.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
