If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize