you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
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