Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Terrible idea I love it
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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