i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
