i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
