I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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