Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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