I murdered the dance floor call the cops
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
