I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Randomize
