"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
