Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
