Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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