Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
