you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
He passed out mid-signature
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
