Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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