so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
