I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
