HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
