can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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