My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
