During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
