why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
