I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
He better not be in your backpack
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
