friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
