the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
