Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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