Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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