i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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