She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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