why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
