well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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