We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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