Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
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