remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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