I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
