I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
