Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
