Well apparently he's into motor boating.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
