i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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