My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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