a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
