but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
