Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
