I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
