if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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