Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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