Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
