Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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