I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
