I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
this boner is exhausting
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
