How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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