I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
