ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
