You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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