drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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