proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize