Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
