Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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